The happiest, the most pathetic

So clear...so blur

I love this scarf bought from Seoul. I didn't even have a second's hesitation to buy it when the 1st time I saw it from the shop. There are too many complicated issues to handle in life. When it comes to something that can be easily to deal with, I will just keep my mind as simple as it is. Get something that I love in the first sight when I am able to do it. The older, the clear the way I decide to "pursue".

Yet, not everything can be solved by using intuition. The hardest time I had recently made me feel suffocated. I tried to relax and let my feeling to follow suit but it doesn't work at all.
For how many times I told everyone that I am lost. I lose all my interest to hang out, to play, to sing, to work even to go travelling.

If there is nothing happened by coincidence, what is the point for me to plan and to think? I should make my own way or to let the destiny to lead my way? It seems to me that the more determine to find a way out, the blurer my future is. God...what the hell I am doing?

It's about time to?

"Hey Carol, where have you been?"
"Hey gal, how are you lately? Started working?"
"Hey you, where are you" bla bla bla.....

It is quite exhausted to reply people one by one. But it's stupid enough to "announce" what I am doing to all the people. WHO really cares?

People in your life get in and out.

Imagine life is like you are getting on a bus.Everyone got their own path to reach to their designated terminal. You will get off from one bus to another for transition.You are the passerby of him/her and at the same time, he/she is your passerby.You can never control and expect who will get on and off this bus. Someone leaves and comes back in later stations. Someone stays just for a very short time. You don't really know who you can see in the next stop...maybe you will meet him/her again....may be not. At the point of every departure, you feel sad, happy,attached,indifferent,anticipating,worrying.......depends on your role in each journey.


Understanding enough to this theory, I question myself if it is really time to tell the others where I am. I am worrying that I will disappoint the people in this journey. I don't really think I can stay long in the new company, you know?

"I am now working in a new company. It's a big and global one. I am working something new but not as exciting as the previous job. I treat this as a transition because I am still seeking my ideal job. I am having .... a job but maybe I can have a good prospectus here.Bla bla bla......."

See? Full of doubt. So how can I tell you confidently where I am.

Hence, to conclude......it's not about time to.

收心

一切到此。收拾好心情，迎接新的所有人和事。
過去讓它過去。

失去的，不再計較，路還是要繼續走，只希望，你也過得好.
深呼吸。

*收到了，我會盡快蘇醒。

沒用

真的沒有用，我做什麼也提不起勁。抑鬱....你快點走開好嗎？每天早上都好辛苦.......

There is no coincidence, and nothing happens by accident.

If this applies to my life, I have to and need to accept this, is't it?

Having lain on bed for 2 days and nights having the tears coming out uncontrollably, I forced myself to get out from the bed. Sadness is inevitable while you are losing every faith of your future. But I don't want seeing myself crying like this. Tears can not bring him back to me. If I understand, I should stop doing anything to hurt myself anymore.

Life is getting more and more difficult while I have just focused on what I have lost. I should be grateful that he chooses to keep me in a precious position rather using of me. If it is fate, it is not an accident, it is not about time to, I shouldn’t drill on the same question over and over again. Time will tell me the answer, the answer of why I am suffering from all these now.....

It's painful…but I am so clear that, time will heal my wound. I need to love myself, in order to love the others.

終站

終於，要完結。拖得到現在，也算是意料之外。
剩下來的，就是一幕幕不肯抹走的回憶及片言隻字。
傷心，是因為暫時看不見將來，是因為我決意要見到沒有彎轉的田地。
可惜，你也是與我的路徑相交，在一點相遇後不再重疊。
不捨得也要走呀....
只希望，我可以快一點復完，再跟你像從前...無所不談。

命運毃定了要這麼發生，不要太介懷好了。

眼淚，快一點流乾啦，已經流了很多個小時了.....

It's a sleepless night

It's 5a.m. I was waked up by a knock. I heard an accident happened outside the window. It was a car crash. And I was the only one who noticed this knock in the house. After that..I couldn't fall asleep again.

I tried to sleep but the problems I had started to loop in this vacuum time. Insecure feelings coming up and memories started to wander. Tears dropped. I was stunned that I left my problems in neither Seoul nor Shanghai. They are sticking with me like glue. They are annoying, you know?

The endless stupid questions follow with the memories. Millions of WHY blasted out in just one second. No matter how hard I tried to seal the hard feelings to the deepest place, they are still here.

Any way out?