Snowmen lining up

Snowmen lining up
Originally uploaded by Bigheadcarol

Everything around reminds me it's Christmas. And....it's my birthday soon. Sigh.

A lottery prayer

I google after watching 'eat pray love' ... and found the full version of this joke.

Lottery Prayer

Sam was in dire trouble. His business had gone bust and he was in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate he decided to pray for help. He began, ‘God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.’ Lottery night came and Sam didn’t win. Again Sam prays, ‘God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.’ Lotto night comes and Sam still has no luck. Once again, he prays, ‘My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order.’ Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. Sam is confronted by the voice of God Himself: ‘Sam,’ says God, ‘meet Me halfway on this. Buy a bloody ticket.’

Yes. Buy a bloody ticket.

Everyday I pray to God: God, I can feel nothing good about my life. Can you show me a clue? Maybe God is telling me the clue, from a movie.

I feel nothing good about my life because I stop myself from feeling around. I think being emotional is immature. In order to grow up, I block that sentiment when working, when being with family and friends. Yet it just push myself to a corner that I lost myself.

Please, buy a bloody ticket. Step out from your forest to the sea. Being hurt is a gift. When you feel hurt, you can have the genuine soul. Refill your empty soul with these bitter and sweet emotions. Get a life.

忘了

他的記憶中這剩下有多少個自己?我不知道, 我只知....我的記憶體這沒有徹底format你的時候,你已經將別的記憶overwrite了我.....

讓我想一想

讓我想一想...我是如何浪費了這一年

也不可以說我存心虛渡了這一年, 只是太多變數, 我根本沒有法子控制到時間, 結果轉一個頭, 2010又剩下兩個月。

又想一想，原來，已經一年。

這是成長的痕跡。一年後，我找回了笑口常開的自己。這次復原較快，可能是已經對命運妥協過來。 又或者，我用盡一切方方法去忘記自己是個「心漏症」的人, 逃避現實我是最在行的了。
對於那個充滿泡泡的下午，我並沒有把時、地、人刻進心裡。亦沒有用文字或什麼記下對上一次心痛得全身抽搐的過程，因為我知道…那次經驗讓我知道，出口只有一個，就是要不留痕跡的把所有快樂的JPEG放進Trash bin....「咔嚓」

現在，60%的心血都放在工作上，餘下來的是家人和幾個重要的朋友，沒有什麼的話, 星期日都是賴在家中，當一個切切底底的乾物女。

足足用了一年時間讓自己想一想，什麼都夠了吧……?

病

近排多病...很容易病.

病得一點勁也沒有, 連行街看電影的興趣也沒有. 病人, 真的很頹廢.

又是中秋節生病. 點攪?

森林

也許世事萬物都敵不過時間，它能治癒每一個人都心，也能沖洗所有的記憶。

森林所有動物都離開了，只剩下廢墟。既然所有動物都離開了，松鼠有再無謂的執著...也選擇離開。它不想一個人傷心，不想一個人承受所有不快樂的。

遷徙後，松鼠總算找到一個落腳點，表面快快樂樂的活著，不留一滴傷痛的痕跡於人前.....這個並不是從前的松鼠，天知地知。

松鼠想找個地方生根，不再留戀那個美麗的森林.............

Time can heal.....

除了你之外的空白，還有誰能來教我愛...



你好....就好囉....不是嗎？

我想飛

飛出你的魔掌......
可以嗎？這樣子我逃不掉的......

Please stay behind the yellow line

Facebook status: Very disappointed (20 minutes ago)
SMS: What's matter? (few minutes after the post)

"為什麼這麼緊張？“ 我想了一整天。很想問，我卻沒有開口的勇氣。

本來不想再找出他這個反應的原因，總知不要胡思亂想好了，我己經定下黃線範圍，不想再跌進路軌去。

原來，這條所謂黃線根本沒用。

不想放棄這位好朋友，對自己做盡一切口是心非的事。我沒有事？騙你的，你不是不知道。

七個月了，這七個月的快樂我分不清是真是假。也分不出源頭是因為自己已經接受了這條黃線，還是只是自己假設了你可以一直不會走開，聽我所有快樂與不快樂的事。以為黃線可以控制所有東西，如果真的有效，鐵路廣播不用時時提醒市民切密超愈，我是不可能不超愈的，除非我不再搭地鐵。要是再不改搭其他車，終有一日我會惱你離開這個範圍,縱使你說你沒有走開我的視線範圍。

誰叫我現在只淨下你一個知心友
誰叫你我說什麼都最懂我
誰叫我們無話不說
誰叫我.......

七個月就當是一個checkpoint. 在這裡，我會靜靜走開，一個人行另一段路，有你陪我走了那麼長了，知足就夠。我不想再靠這一條黃線。

Love is stupid

Bubble world
Originally uploaded by Bigheadcarol

When you love someone, you can tolerate whatever he did to you.

Can you give some respect to me...while I am still loving you?

When the stars don't shine and when the birds don't fly....

The only place I feel comfortable with. My little Music World.

這一刻，我溶了。

陳奕迅，沒有張國榮這麼傳奇，但是是唯一有他影子的現代歌手。

從天下無雙，到失戀太少；由夕陽無限好，到蒲萄成熟時；落花流水，直到七百年後.......他的歌，最能打動到那個令我毛管動的掣。






雖然這一晚,你走音又聲沙。你仍然是最能打動人心的那位。
文明能壓碎
情懷不衰
無論枯乾山水
舊時年月投入垃圾裡
你我一起同居
仍然能送你
兒時玩具
老地方抱著一起安睡
七百年
潮流裡
瞬息過去





跟你只有幾十米的距離，我站得高高的，看著你唱<七百年後>, 我溶了 :)

仍然有 你的忠心 愛侣........

Be stupid

I was walking across Central alone last Saturday after having an afternoon gathering with V and A.

I planned to finish my films inside the FMII by taking snap shots around Central. And I was attracted by twelve sheet ad from Diesel.

There are few consecutive twelve sheets having different visuals carrying the same message: Be stupid.

Why?

1. Smart says no Stupid says yes.
2. Smart had one good idea and that idea was stupid.
3. Smart critiques. Stupid creates.
4. Smart sees what there is. Stupid sees what there could be.
5. Smart has the plans. Stupid has the stories.
6. Stupid might fall. Smart doesn't even try.
7. Smart plans. Stupid improves.
8. Only the stupid can be truly Brilliant.

Hummm....True.

I think....I am really stupid. Why bother to care about "I am not a smart one?"

我的「Irreplaceable Taste」

今天，不自怨自艾，要談談幸福。要談談我的「Irreplaceable Taste」

人人都知我沒有反叛期。同出一腸，我跟我弟弟性格完格不同，不是男和女的分別，是質地問題。

天生長不大的性格，看在老弟眼內的確是「冇我咁好氣」，但在老媽眼中，是擔心，又是快樂。

擔心是－　當她離開我時我不能自己照顧自己（她已假設了我會找不到好歸宿）

快樂是－　到年近三十，我仍然有那顆童真，怎樣都學不壞。比起弟弟，可以說我比較本事，而弟弟就比較成熟。

人愈大，愈怕面對世界，所以遇到不稱心或攪不到的事，我選擇當個宅女，躲在家做自己，做一個智商只有八歲的智障人士。說真的，我不介意智障。

儘管同事老闆朋友怎樣說要獨立，要擺脫家人，我就是做不到不理會媽媽，無論她有多嘮叨，世界上就只有她可以這麼愛我。我也沒有信心我可以這樣子愛一個人，我媽媽，是世上最好的。

而世上，媽媽煮的菜，就是我的 Irreplaceable Taste.就是連白粥, 都是媽媽煮的好吃.

工作令我80%的時間都失了蹤，跟媽媽相處的時間變得少，很忙那陣子，我理解她見不到我的失落。所以我想了很多辦法去令她快樂。其中一樣，就是讓她知道她是我的 「Irreplaceable Taste」

晚上不能跟她吃晚飯，帶中午飯，該可以來個補償。至少有個辦法跟她有"connection", 讓她知道她並沒有白煮, 晚上回家, 可以跟她談談明天我想吃什麼, 讓她煮得有動力. 弟弟向來不喜歡吃住家飯, 媽媽留不到弟弟在家吃飯,我知道她是很失落的. 所以我更加珍惜媽媽的這個午飯盒. 我也跟自己說好. 無論如何, 要珍惜這種 Irreplaceble Taste. 你怎知道什麼時候會失去........

I am the missing piece...or the Big O?

--- Shel Silverstein

Few years ago I flipped this book at Kubrick in a peaceful Saturday afternoon. As usual, whenever I come across with simple illustration with deep thought, I will bookmark it in my mind. Trying to remind myself some simple, genuine and always true philosophy whenever I face set back and feeling depressed.

Be it the "missing piece" or the "Big O", they are both an incomplete object to me. I thought no one in this world can really accept their incomplete life. Shel Silverstein was just the one who wills to embrace the fragmentary after facing the again and again set back. Couldn't confront with the destiny , might as well he turned this tragedy into an encouraging piece...

Pessimistic huh? Ya, I really am.

Need to keep rolling forward to find the missing piece? Can somebody push a bit for me.....?I found it's too harsh for a circle to roll up to the acclivous slope......be fair to me..can you?

Carol: Happy Birthday to you

Carol: Happy Birthday to you
Originally uploaded by Bigheadcarol

It's another year. Time flies too fast.

Happy birthday? Um....I didn't feel very exciting this year. You just cannot expect being hyper active every minute, right?

Happiness won't come easy especially you are getting old and especially your maturity forces you to accept everything could be changed gradually.

And because of this fact, I should learn how to treasure what I have.
I promise to myself, I won't take happiness for granted.

Thanks mama and papa, thanks for your b-day cake...and it's the 27th one.